What do you have?

So many times I hear people talking about what someone else has or is doing. We refer to that as keeping up with the Jones’. How sad is that? You will never be happy if that is your goal.

My sister often says that you can’t have all three at the same time-that being–health, happiness, and wealth. There is some truth to that, but too many people only see the outside of a person and think they have all three. I think many times we do indeed have all three, but we are not aware or appreciative of it since we are so busy watching other people’s lives or are in the middle of a rat race.

For many of you maybe now is the time(before the frantic holiday season that should really be a time of fun) to take stock of the positives in your lives. When debating, I always felt you should practice the opposing side so you could really see what you are up against. This is the kind of exercise I am suggesting now. Think about how much worse your situation could be and then be thankful that is not what is going on in your life.

You have heard over and over again to disconnect sometimes and I have to wonder if the constant need to be electronically connected doesn’t add to our discontent when we are being Facebooked to death by how great things are for other people or how we love to complain about how hard our lives are.

The other day (as well as many days) I have seen mothers posting about their hectic schedule, yet they have time to post. Part of signing up for parenthood is having days where you are running from one thing to another and part of it is self imposed to make sure your kids participate in every activity you can squeeze into their day as well as yours. Some of you need to take a good hard look at your kids-they are exhausted. Yes, school today is much more demanding(and the outcome not much better) and the parents have caused a “competition” frenzy. The recent college scandal is the tip of the iceberg. Instead of being happy that your kids are doing well, you are bemoaning how difficult it is for you. There is a solution-cut back a bit. However, appreciate that your kids have the ability to thrive in the situations you put them it and will thrive even more when they are under less stress.

The same Facebook posts have parents complaining about having a cold(and not being able to go workout) or their kids home with a cold. Thank goodness your kids are only home with whatever. It could be a life threatening disease. You don’t see those parents dealing with the unthinkable posting about how unfair their lives are or how sick their kids are. Appreciate that!!!

Wealth-many describe it as having material things and others appreciate the wealth of love and family so it can be subjective for sure. If material things are what drives you, than there probably isn’t anyone reading this that will realize that they are fortunate and have enough because there is always something else they want or someone has something bigger or better.

So stop-take stock- and realize that you do have all three most of the time. If you do, then get outside of yourself and make someone’s life better that doesn’t have it all by reaching out to them and extending whatever you can to put a smile on their face. Usually the one’s that really have it the toughest, are the ones not complaining and not expecting anything. They just “do” what they have to.

Just sayn’

Good Manners Are Never Obsolete

I was in a local drugstore chain waiting in line behind another woman. The woman working the register who is normally not too friendly said, “Welcome to (name of store) beautiful ladies.” The woman in front of me totally ignored her and I replied, “Thank you. What a great way to start my day!”  Then the woman in front of me said, “Yes it is”.  Well, by the time I was rung up and leaving, the woman ringing up the sale was smiling and chatty.

I then went to my local supermarket (I’m there almost everyday and know many of the register people and some of their life stories). Our local markets try to hire the mentally challenged or whatever the politically correct term is for a decent amount of our population that is totally capable and willing to work if they are trained to the position that best suits their ability. They usually are the baggers at the market and will help carry out your groceries to your car. More often than not, they are a big asset to the store. They engage the customers in banter and take great pride in doing their job well. On this particular day I noticed a young bagger waiting patiently out in the heat for the customer she was assisting to get out of the scooter he was using to get around the store and open his car  so she could load his purchases. All the time she was carrying on a conversation with him. He was very elderly and this might have well been the highlight of his day. Many of the elderly live a basically isolated day. There must have been a 60 or more year difference between the two and she was enjoying communicating with him. I sat in my car smiling at this interchange.

Many times I am in the store and the customer seems “annoyed” that the bag person has invaded their “mental space” and can be down right rude or roll their eyes as if this “employee” has no feelings or is an insignificant spec on the earth. Many times it is a parent in a rush and the message it sends to their kids is horrifying. This is actually way beyond lack of manners. It is a total disregard for anyone other then themselves. They are rude while the person bagging their groceries is carrying on a sweet conversation with their toddler sitting in the cart. They are rude while the same person runs to get an item this important person forgot. They are doubly rude when they are sent off with a “Have a nice day” and grunt something back. Do they think their dollar tip makes up for their lack of manners?

When did it become okay to rush in past a person who is physically challenged and not only almost bowl them over, but let the door close on them? Why is it shocking to the recipient when someone does something normal, such as hold the door open or offer to help them with something? It is because it is so rarely done today. An easy excuse for some things would be that everyone has “stranger danger” on their minds, but it goes way past that.

I’ve been in stores where someone is buying something large or has a lot of packages and no cart(restaurant take out for instance) and no one offers to help with taking it to the car for them. Why?
Maybe we are feeling the trickle down effects of the two generation “me generation” at work. Rudeness is almost acceptable. Lack of compassion, intolerance, impatience seem to be the flavor of the decade. When a stranger is nice, you are so very thankful as if you won some great prize(that’s only if you have manners. Otherwise, you just accept it as they should be doing it for you).

Just take a listen to people when they are ordering or requesting something. How many times do you hear, “May I please” before they ask for whatever it is they want-be it lotto tickets, meat at the deli counter, or stamps at the PO ? Yes, it’s true that customer service leaves a lot to be desired in many places, but in  today’s market a comment to the manager usually results in some positive action being taken. There was a deli counter person at my supermarket who always appeared grumpy and was never pleasant to the customers.I finally mentioned something to the manager since there are obviously so many people that would love to have a job today and she is representing their company. The next time in she actually smiled and I commented on how she has changed so much and she looks great when she smiles. What a difference in her attitude.

Although not the entire reason for the crisis in our schools, lack of manners makes the job of teaching so difficult. Why should a teacher waste a good part of the school day trying to have the class behave? As parents, we should be sending our kids to school on a good night’s sleep with a level of respect for the teachers where they would never think not to listen to them. Time out in high school? Let them mow the lawn or clean the school up. Detention lets them sit in a chair and probably sneak their smartphones. Give them some physical work so they will realize that the world they are about to enter requires them to work and be responsible.

Good manners are always appropriate. They need to be taught, nurtured, and reinforced, especially by your actions. Please and thank you are the foundation on which to build.
You can’t do time out on teaching responsibility and manners. We need to demand better  to get better. Set the example. Don’t be embarrassed to be nice to anyone. it often changes the way others react as I mentioned at the very beginning  of my experience in the drug store. Try it-you just might like the change.Always here for you
R

Stress/Mindless Eating

OK! So it’s diet time AGAIN! Following whatever diet worked for you in the past or for a friend. Day one is going great. Got up, had your “prescribed” breakfast and now it’s time to get the kids ready for school. Finally get them out of bed after some serious threats that if carried out will only punish you. They are dressed-for the most part- and it’s their breakfast time. Dawdle time, spilling stuff, fighting over nothing, grumpy city. OMG. What did you just swallow? You are trying to remember when you see the tootsie roll wrapper on the counter. It wasn’t there a few minutes ago. MINDLESS EATING has struck. How is it possible that your hands can actually reach for, unwrap, and put into your mouth a piece of candy without you even knowing it? Everyday stress has just sabotaged your great start on your diet and now the whole day is shot and you will start again  tomorrow morning. So now, while you are beating yourself up, you are thrusting anything around you that might be chocolate related into your mouth.

It’s not your fault. If the kids had been good this would have never happened. Maybe there is something wrong with the brain-motor skill connection and your hands are acting involuntarily. That’s it-a stress related disorder that causes the brain to send incorrect signals to the hands instructing them to put something into your mouth without ever letting the logical side of your brain take part in this exercise. Wait-did I just say exercise? Well, if the brain is exercising , then calories must be burning.
So now there is an undiscovered disorder that actually burns calories. Maybe the kids do serve a useful purpose!! Maybe science doesn’t know that stress might be good.

REALTY check-time to wake up from your sugar induced coma. Mindless eating does occur so often with so many people and it really undermines all good intentions of dieting. When stress of any sort hits, those of you who feel comforted by food or just the oral dependency(nail biters, smokers, fall into this as well), pay attention to what you are reaching for. Sometimes taking one bite of what you are needing will help slow you down. A continuous popping of things into your mouth does not speed up the feeling of gratification. It only causes a major letdown that you stuffed so much in and blew your good intentions. Even when not actively dieting, mindless eating is what contributes to the pounds coming back on. Start actually thinking about what you are eating so you will at least enjoy it. Try the small bite and walk away. You might find that it doesn’t totally take away the desire as much as it curbs it just a bit.  Small goals is the best way to approach weight issues otherwise for most it is just too overwhelming.

AND-you can always eliminate your stress buttons-only kidding. Then who or what could you blame:-)
Always here for you.

R

Need a friend?

Hi:

Well, this is my very first blog, prompted by many people who find I am a great sounding board and can really empathize with their day to day as well as long time serious problems. I am not a therapist, but approach life with common sense and the ability to really hear problems and not only relate, but try to offer some coping tips.

I know in today’s economy, professional help is not always an option and even if it was, a lot of people get discouraged along the way or don’t want to be in a group or even a one on one setting. They don’t like their “one hour” and then off on their own. Many people don’t want to hear “deal with it”, “get on with your life”, “baby steps” or all the other cliches that are not working for them. I am trying to offer a place to chat about things that are bothering you and come to be a trusted friend. Sometimes just having your problems put out there helps you to see them in a different light. It doesn’t matter what you are feeling low about, or even if you want to share good news and are not getting the response you had hoped for, I’ll be here. We all have our bad times, but sometimes we find ourselves stuck and would like someone there to understand. Those are the “grey colored glasses’ times. The times when the sun is shining, but it sure looks overcast and cloudy.

So, I’ll be here to be the friend who can listen to you, cry with you, celebrate with you, let you dump on me, all in an easy forum. AND-you never have to be face to face with me after you feel you might have shared too much and don’t want to look someone in the eye that has knowledge of your innermost feelings which might make you feel too vulnerable or just uncomfortable.

 

I’m always here.

R